Originally written April 8, 2013
Stumbled upon it June 25, 2016 as I was seeking past notes that may help me with my Women In Christ Online Mentoring Class. Until now, I had forgotten I wrote this:
“Adventures of a happy, depressed, food addicted, people pleasing, Christ-centered woman (no joke)
Where do I begin? The beginning? The present and work backwards?
Well, at the present moment I’m sitting on the couch of my in-laws basement apartment. My 11 year old son is at a movie with a friend. My 9 year old just finished her reading homework and is now unloading the dishwasher. I have three older children (Morgan, 17; Mikayla 16; Zachary 14) I am 13.5 weeks pregnant at age 41 and I was recently married to my wonderful husband back in May 2012. This child I am pregnant with is his first child. Truly, a new adventure!
As I sit here, feeling as though an alien is sucking the life out of my body, I am grateful, anxious, overly full (that’s where the food issues come in) and philosophical.
I have felt for years that I would like to share my story, “Erica’s story”, with whomever would listen and might benefit (or at least get a good chuckle). So I begin, not knowing if this will be deleted, turned into a complicated woman’s journey to share with her posterity or will it reach the masses because somewhere in my story is your story or your loved ones story?
Emotion swells up in my throat even as I peck the letters on my tablet.
I’m a dreamer, a “learn-the-hard-way” type of gal who is determined and optimistic one minute with an “I can conquer the world” attitude then a roller coaster of emotion takes over and a good cry and frustration comes out.
I love deeply, I feel deeply, I hope deeply. I have a relationship with my Savior that improves or wanes depending on the effort I put forth. The greatest peace in my life has come flowing thru and in me when I seek Him. We all need to find our path to peace to overcoming obstacles.
My purpose in this writing is also for my own therapeutic perspective and personal exploration. I was born in the early 70’s in Berkeley, Ca to a loving mom and a zealous, hard working father. Their marriage started as high school sweethearts and ended in divorce in 1972. I was 11 months old. My older sister, Andrea, was almost 3. When 8 years old, my Mom and my stepdad moved 3 hours north to Lakeport, California, a small mountain, resort town on a lake. I was a happy, go-lucky girl who always smiled. When I hit puberty things changed. “They” say hindsight is 20/20 so it is now easy to see that depression, emotional instability and food issues started (or surfaced) then. I have come to realize, more fully at age 41, that I have some biochemical issues with food that are addictive in nature both physically and emotionally. I am a highly sensitive person who is full of compassion and love, but despair and discouragement sneak in as well. My sensitivity physically and emotionally is a blessing and a curse. I am working to try to make a strength out of my weakness (with my Savior’s help). I am coming to the conclusion that it is a daily battle that on some days yields great victories and on other days yields many war wounds. Today, I have sustained some war wounds. Yesterday was victorious. The three days previous I was slaughtered on the front lines and the six weeks prior to that I won victory after victory. It was as if I would go undefeated with no casualties the successes were so great. We must always be on guard ready for the small victories, the sneak attacks and know when it’s time to raise the white flag.
Oh this word conjures up many thoughts. Isn’t it easier to put on my mask? Let them believe I have it “all together”? It may be, but where is the real, authentic growth? I want that! I want to overcome the food addiction. I want to overcome the depressed feelings. I want to share my happiness and abundant blessings. I want to just BE ME! I want to be willing to be vulnerable and be ok with it.
This conjures up different thoughts. Thoughts of having the courage to share these writings publicly. Thoughts of facing life head on. Teaching my kids the best way in life. Courage to admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Courage to ask for help. Courage to be ok with myself and my own limitations. Courage to be
where I am at and build upon the faith I already have.”
Today: June 25, 2016 I was asking myself ‘why am I putting so much effort into mentoring, creating online classes such as Women In Christ?” As I pondered this, I realized that my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ have put this desire within my heart and as I have listened to those “whisperings” and “pullings” from Them I cannot deny what one of my true purposes on this earth is: to share my personal struggles with others so they may grow and overcome and find real joy. I am finding those tools and I want to shout from the mountain tops the simpleness of it all. As fellow human beings we can help and guide each other.
I love you! Love, Erica
Hope to see you the first Saturday in August in Women In Christ. Join from anywhere in the world!
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